By the Grace of God...

I feel the need to catch some of you up on my last month.  November 2014 will be one that is hard for me to forget, not because of so much what I have done or what the students are doing as in past months, but because of the lack of what I have done.

 I severely sprained my ankle on October 28^th, the day before my birthday.  And, it wasn’t doing anything fun, or exciting, it was just taking the shortcut through my backyard and garden back to the hospital after a quick lunch!  Yes, falling down in your backyard and having seven or more of your neighbors witness it does make for a good story, but I really don’t feel like laughing too much yet, because I am STILL dealing with the result of that little trip.  This ankle of mine has been sprained a few (well, seven) other times from soccer injuries, Army obstacle courses and a few mishaps while hiking and I probably should have done better rehab after those prior evens.  Lesson learned the hard way, again. 

So I took it easy for a few days, and did what I was supposed to do.  I rested, Iced, wore an ace bandage, I elevated, I took ibuprofen.  I talked to the doc, did my best to follow the advice, hoping to be back on the ward with the students in just a day or two.  I graded papers, mine and other teachers.  I read, I crocheted, I prayed, I watched a few movies.  I got tired of all of the above, yes, even praying. 

I had a few meals that others brought over, and then I ran out of my frozen leftovers and was sick of them anyway.  I spent some time standing baking in the kitchen and made a few new casseroles, and then suffered the consequences of swelling in my leg and continued pain.  But at least I had some food, and I used up a few hours of my day not doing the things above.  (Other than the praying, I really didn’t give that up for long.)  I took it easy for another few days, wishing for the ease of take-out meals and frozen US dinners (heathy or not!)  By that next Monday, I was doing somewhat better it seemed and I was ready to try going back to the hospital and supervising the students on the ward.  By 11:00 am, after being on my feet since 7:00, I knew I needed some more rest and elevation, and my new almost constant companion, the ice pack.  I did that all afternoon and again felt a little better in the evening and tried it again the next day.  This pattern continued throughout the week.  By Thursday though, the swelling would no longer go down in the evening, and I was once again out of leftovers.  The evening cooking session of only 45 minutes had me in bed with my ice pack buddy again by 6:00 pm and I knew Friday on the ward with the students wasn’t going to happen. 

I called for help again at this point and was taken down to get x-rays Friday morning.  During my prayer time that morning before the x-rays, I prayed it would be broke, even though I knew when it happened I had done the exact same thing the other times it was sprained.

 Being broke would explain the continued almost constant pain and swelling and the long recovery time.   

Being broke would “justify” asking for help more often from friends who are all leading equally busy lives, and most of whom have lots more than one mouth to feed and care for. 

Being broke would warrant staying home from work that I am called to do, want to be doing, and hate missing, and that others are supporting me with monetary donations in order to be able to do. 

Being broke would make the daily struggle to decide if I was capable of working a whole lot easier, physically and emotionally.  In a sense, being broke, would “fix” my situation.  

But, Dr. Andy said it wasn’t broke, and I knew it even before he told me after seeing the x-ray first. 

Where to go from here?  It had been two weeks; it was a “simple” sprained ankle.  People get those and are better in a few days.  But the repeated stress and repeated injuries over time just kept adding up to more pain and swelling, and I probably had just as much emotional pain too.  I tried to listen to the advice and went home to rest again, and to my ice pack buddy.   

By Monday, I really was no better, I could handle about 30 minutes on my feet and that was it.  (I also by now have mastered the task of cooking meals in 10-15 minute spurts!)  I went down to see Dr. Andy again and was ready to try anything else.  I found Dr. Bill instead, as Andy was not there for the day.  Bill was aware of my situation, but we talked things through a little more and after a little emotion break in my façade I got news from him that was very freeing—Doctor’s orders to stay home and rest for the majority of the week for full recovery.  Daily check-ups on my progress were very nice, and I was making some progress, longer periods without pain, and decreased swelling.  I tried a half day on Thursday, and made it two hours, and haven’t had another setback, but really no more progress. 

So, the last two weeks of November, I mainly stayed home, with a few short trips to the ward to check on the students.  The college has given me the freedom to just stay home till I’m healed up and I am getting closer.  A walking cast has helped some these past few days, better than the ankle immobilizer I was wearing.  The students stop by and bring me procedure books to sign, and I ask about their progress on the wards.  I’m working on my lesson plans for next year.  I’m finishing up craft projects I started this summer when my plans changed and I knew I wasn’t coming home for Christmas.   I’m praying for the students on the wards, who I can’t be with fully but wish I could.  I’m spending extended time in the word. 

But, I’m also going a little stir crazy. 

Never before have I been in my house for so long.  Never have I had to listen to dogs barking, children screaming, crying, or playing loudly, and pigs squealing, day in and day out for numerous days in a row, with very few breaks away from my house.  I love being here, but I’m ready to be fully mobile again!  Our ladies bible study started three weeks ago and God knew I needed some time with these ladies, and some new perspectives from his word.  Thanksgiving (in the US) has now come and gone, and I was very thankful for the little bit I got here, and the reminders throughout this looooong month to be thankful for all that I do have here, even in the midst of this struggle. 

I’m able to share this today because God convicted me of being real, being transparent before Him, and before others.  During this month, only a few have known how difficult this situation has been for me.  It can be so easy to just say, “I’m fine, I’m managing alright” when it is not true.  This struggle has brought up many things that I’ve had to deal with: my self-reliance, my work ethic, my pride, my singleness, my perception of how others will view me, my lack of patience, the list could go on. 

I started an advent devotional today, in addition to what I have already been doing.  The new devotional was on waiting, waiting by grace.  I wanted to laugh when I flipped to it and said, “Really God, this is what you have for me today?” but it was right on.  It finishes by saying- “Lord, help me to see your grace in my life today.  Thank you that you have given me all I need to flourish right where I am.”  -Rachel York

My other devotional was from Ozzie, when he says, “There is no condition in life in which we cannot abide in Jesus.  We have to learn to abide in Him wherever we are placed.” And I would go on to say, in whatever physical condition we are in.  I’m trusting God to fully heal this ankle of mine is his time, and I will abide in Him throughout that time, and beyond.  I still would love your prayers though, for physical healing and continued strength to face things one day at a time with His power. 

My Utmost for His Highest—“By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain...” 1 Corinthians 15:10